As many of you know, I have had a hard time balancing my work life with my hobbies/general interest life which puts a strict hold on my video game playing time. I even wrote an article imploring readers to give me suggestions as to how they find time for video games in their busy work lives. While I have been trying a couple of the methods that readers suggested, the easiest way to play more video games is to sit down and just play. So, I have been committing more of my spare time to playing video games and less to other obligations in the “real world.” This mainly included my spending time playing online multiplayer with Call of Duty: Ghosts, as the multiplayer aspect of any COD game is one thing that I miss quite a bit with my lack of playing time.
If you’ve read articles from this site before then you know that online multiplayer presents a whole lot of problems for women, especially on Xbox Live. I’ve been berated, harassed, and kicked off of teams in my time playing video games online (as many women have) and yet I still find that playing COD online is where I can find my Zen. I spend hours playing Team Deathmatch and since I have not played in so long it takes some time to get re-acclimated to the controls which ends up furthering my harassment because I don’t always play so well at first.
Now, I’m not claiming to be some amazing prodigy video game player but when I spent 4+ hours a day playing COD online I had a pretty decent Kill/Death spread so I know that I have the potential to get better, but the random people I play with online obviously do not have any knowledge of this. After the first match I played in my “binge” gaming session I had received one threat of violence and multiple “Dumb Bitch” or “Stupid Slut” callouts from fellow players; which is completely normal (unfortunately) so I always just brush it off. Usually once the harassment starts I will exit the lobby and find a new match up so that I don’t have to further the online hatred of me and my being a girl, but this time I decided to stand my ground and continue playing with this group. The comments continued to get worse and worse, eventually messages were sent to me that were very mean, as you can imagine, and I decided to just give up for the night. I had exposed myself to enough torture and even went to bed wondering why I continue to subject myself to a culture that does not want me to be a part of it.
A little over a year ago Alex, Sam, and I participated in a movement called #1reasonwhy. We posted why we felt it was necessary for us to continue to involve ourselves in the gaming industry, along with thousands of other women, and I decided to revisit the post to remind myself why it is that I continue to be a part of the community. One of my reasons hit home pretty hard with my more recent struggles with gaming:
#1reasonwhy… I continue to strive to be involved in the video game industry, is because I love video games. Video games have blessed my life for so many different reasons and I cannot wait to work in the industry to not only make my voice heard, but to help initiate change and introduce young female gamers to a world of video games with less misogyny.
Through everything that I do, video games have been and always will be a rock in my life. I find and obtain so much joy and passion from my time playing video games and being involved with them that I will never be able to erase their existence or impact from my life. My heart, soul, and my whole being are wrapped up in video games and while some things frustrate me and/or cause me to question my involvement with the community, nothing could ever take away my resolve to help change the industry for the better. There are plenty of women who have gone through much worse while being involved in this industry and it has only made their fight stronger. We have to continue to believe that fighting for equal representation is going to make this community better for women everywhere and I look forward to the day when I (hopefully) have a daughter that I can share this amazing gift with.
